Our Potty Training Journey-

So last Monday, we went to sign Braeden up for preschool which he will start in August. Well, to start preschool, he needs to be fully potty trained 😬 So I instantly start to stress, like oh my gosh-- how am I going to do this? I'm totally going to screw this up, what if my child just hates the potty, what if I'm not cut out for this.. Seriously I'm crazy, I know! 

Well, Tuesday I brought out the underwear... We had several accidents, I'm pretty positive pooping in his underwear was fun for him. I started the day by setting the timer.. Well all I did was piss him off. He was like seriously woman, I do not need to sit on the potty every 30 minutes. So after his nap, I decided to try a different approach... I would talk to him and ask him to remind mommy where we go pee pee and poo poo. He would excitedly say "the potty". We had fewer accidents Tuesday evening. 

Wednesday, we started fresh with excitement that he slept through the night and woke up dry! We were super proud! Wednesday came with about 3 accidents, but I was convinced it could be better.. So Thursday we bared it all. Little man was naked from the waist down... Not one single accident all day- AND he pooped on the potty all by himself! Friday- Sunday we did the 3 day method. 

This method requires you to essentially pause life for the three days and solely focus on potty training, and helping him understand when he needs to go. It requires an extreme amount of patience, because you truly don't know whether your kid is stalling from taking nap or he really does have to pee for the fifth time after going to bed, you know a dribble at a time 😜 And obviously the last thing you want to do is discourage him, so you go however many times he needs to the potty and hold his hand, clap for joy when he goes, and praise him consistently. The three day method also says you get rid of ALL diapers and pull-ups and only use underwear or naked. This for me created a slight anxiety.. What if he isn't ready, what if he has 10 million accidents.. Well we did it and miraculously there were zero accidents from Friday- Sunday! 

Last night, we had our first small accident, Braeden squirmed off the towels that I put in the bed in case of an accident and peed just enough to change the sheets. Well, at 2 am he woke me to inform me of this. He seemed heart broken, and we spent about 3 hours cuddling and consoling explaining that it was okay, accidents will happen, and he was still mommies big boy that I'm so proud of. Then about another hour to fall asleep. He did wake up then 3 hours later at his normal 7:45 time and was ready to roll.

Today we had our first outing, we were gone for about 2 hours and he told me literally within walking into the appointment he had to poop.. So we went and he did. We are waiting for our foldable travel potty seat to come, but until then he like his mom is NOT a fan of public toilets. 😜 

I'm not sure how many days he goes before he is classified as fully potty trained, but he hasn't had an accident since Wednesday, almost 7 days! I am completely blown away by HIM and how amazing he is doing. I prayed for God to make this process as less stressful as possible, and boy has he answered. 

I'm sure there will be plenty of accidents, and I'm not sure what tomorrow will hold, but I do know I have one amazing little boy that makes me appreciate life so much more with each day that passes. His quirky little facial expressions, sweet little comments, and generous hugs and kisses will melt my heart until the end of time. ❤️❤️ 

Until next time... 😊

 

Back on the grind..

After weeks upon weeks of feeling absolutely miserable with nausea, fatigue, dizziness, and just horrible exhaustion finally--- I am feeling more like myself at 17 weeks :)

I stayed super active when I was pregnant with Braeden, and I feel like that helped tremendously with the labor process and more. I ate healthy and was super cautious about things. This pregnancy so far has been so different and hard to maintain that same lifestyle. My first trimester all I wanted was fast food, that's about all I could keep down was to eat exactly what I had a taste for.. well now that I am feeling better I'm hoping to trim down my love handles and focus on being super healthy for this baby as well.

So many people use pregnancy as an excuse to eat all the food they want, over-eat and then those are typically the same people 15 years later claiming they still have baby-weight.. well I am bound and determined to not fall into that category especially because I know it's even harder to loose the weight after a second child.

I started this pregnancy about 10lbs heavier than I would have liked, but hey it's life and I've accepted it. So thankfully I've only gained about 5 lbs in these last 17 weeks. As long as I can maintain steady which with working out again I could even loose a little weight- I should potentially gain the same or less than I did with Braeden which I was able to loose fairly easily.

Overall I'm not going to stress about it, if I gain 30lbs or 50lbs as long as I know my baby is healthy I'm not too worried, but I plan on trying to do everything I can to maintain a healthy lifestyle and give this baby the same options I gave Braeden <3

Today I started by back to fitness journey with walking 3 miles at about 3.5 miles per hour the entire time which I was pretty happy with on my first day back. I will try and post as I can of how the journey is going and things I learn along the way :) 

4 days in..

Four days into the new year, and well Calvin and I have already had one therapy session and will have them every Thursday, we were able to take so much from just the first session it was amazing so we both look forward to what each new week holds. We have an amazing friend who will be watching Braeden for us to go each Thursday morning. ❤️

We also have 2 date nights outside the house, with a sitter for Braeden and our homework is to have a date night a week, inside or outside the house. Last night we put Braeden to bed early, and watched a movie together as our date. The first 4 days of this year have been great, so I look forward to each new day knowing that we have God with us and that as long as we both are keeping our heads in it, the possibilities are endless. 

Our therapist said the biggest mistake parents make is putting their kids first... This was a hard pill to swallow for me. But it makes sense, we need to put our marriage first to teach Braeden what true love looks like, to show him how he should treat a woman when he gets older, how his expectations should be from a woman... All these things we can "tell" our children but it's better to show them. She explained a healthy and strong marriage helps contribute to healthy and strong children. So while Braeden and Bryson will definitely be a top priority, we are working on putting ourselves first in order to be the best we can for each other and them. 

We also have been working on praying with Braeden, before meals, and just in general. It's been. Quite interesting so far, but practice makes perfect right? Lol

I am also thankful to have made it 17 weeks pregnant so far, and have finally hit a period where I have some energy and am able to keep food down.. How do I celebrate? By hitting the gym tomorrow of course! Lol. Super excited to get back in the gym and maintain healthy and fit while pregnant... Hoping it will help with another natural labor and delivery ❤️💙

As always, thanks for always being so supportive! See ya next time. :)

Here's to 2015!

This year for the most part has been pretty good, not great.. But better than some. We were blessed with Layla, our 4 legged daughter who means so much to me. I turned another year older, Braeden turned 2, Calvin and I celebrated 5 years married, my husband saw another birthday, and we were blessed to find out in 2015 another baby BOY will be joining our family. 😍

My biggest resolution for 2014 was to only surround myself with positive people, and while I think I did an amazing job, there is always more work to do. So in the new year, I won't be focusing my energy on those who don't have time for me. There are too many great people in my life who love me and my family for us and those are the people I'll focus on. 

In 2015, I'll be looking forward to getting back in gear with fitness, pregnancy is no excuse to not stay fit, so Monday I look forward to hitting the gym again! 

Some may have already noticed, I haven't been on social media nearly as much as last year, and in the new year it will be even less. My priority will be spending time with my husband and child, and social media as a means to keep in touch with family and friends who live away. 

Calvin and I have struggled this year more so than ever, we look back at old pictures of how in love we used to be, and sadly we let things come between that.. Whether it be parenting, electronics, or just bad prioritizing, however we have a lot of love left... And in this new year we are making us a priority. We are starting by dating again, finding new things to talk about besides our son and bills.. And finding the roots that brought us together in the first place. So if you pray, we would appreciate it for us.

We are both going to be working on strengthening our relationship with God, and hopefully finding a church family here to become active in. 

To everyone who has supported us throughout the good, bad, and ugly... You'll never know how much it means. ❤️

Here's to an amazing new year!

Sending love from the Edmunds 🎉

 Best friends 

 Father/ son love 

Bryson Thomas 💙

First Trimester Pregnancy Blog :)

Hello all!

A lot has changed since my last blog-- the biggest being WE ARE PREGGO!

I will be 12 weeks on Tuesday and and couldn't be more excited! We will find out the gender December 20th, however EVERYONE thinks we are having a baby girl.

We found out right at 7 weeks pregnant, I had been super sick.. gaining weight, and just not feeling well at all. Turns out there was a baby making a home in my belly. :)

Weeks 7-9.5 were filled with lots of sickness, fatigue, exhaustion, sore boobs, love handles, and random cravings. Weeks 9.5-now have been filled with sporadic sickness, fatigue, and exhaustion, sore boobs, love handles, and random cravings.. lol so at least we went from constant to sporadic. :)

With Braeden I had 0 love handles, I was straight down, and more of a basketball belly... well this time it's completely different. My belly is like spread all over, which I've heard is consistent with a girl. Only time will tell- we do not care we are just excited to be pregnant and have a healthy baby. :)

Please keep my family in your prayers as we embark on this new chapter of our lives for a healthy pregnancy and baby.

With love,
Me

One hurdle down, two left to go-

Those of you who read my last blog got a glimpse of how I feel here and there. I felt bad for those who read it and were hurt or felt super worried about me.. but it needed to be said. My life is far from perfect, and it's very frustrating when people assume that it is simply because I try to be optimistic.

At 20, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had several surgeries. I was told if I wanted a family I needed to start trying because medically with all the scar tissue my chances were limited. At 21 I got married, and we started trying right away--- 3 years later after failed pregnancies we finally got our amazing son Braeden.

Fast forward to yesterday, I had a procedure with biopsies taken because my Ob said my levels showed that the cervical cancer cells had increased and thrown off my numbers. Thankfully those cells that increased are all mild, meaning I can wait to treat. This is great news because it gives us another opportunity to try for another baby.

However, I have to stop taking my anti-depression/anti-anxiety medication before she wants us to try, because there are lots of risks involved with me taking my medication and becoming pregnant. She said 10mg would be potentially acceptable but given my already high risk and struggles, she really wants it gone. So between now and my 6 month follow up I am supposed to get off my medicine and get pregnant. (No pressure). Last year we tried for about 8 months and never got pregnant, then I had two solid cysts burst which almost ended me in the ER and the pain was excruciating. Between the failed success, the medical issues, and several other obstacles going on I had a complete nervous breakdown. I completely just lost it... one person can only handle so much. About 4 months ago I tried to lower my dosage because we were going to try again, and my nerves just couldn't take it. I couldn't sleep and I felt quick tempered. So I went back up.

Now, however I am on day 4 of lowering my dosage and with the help of a extra nice hubby and friends stepping up and truly making me feel loved, important, and just that I'm important enough to be thought about helps. My biggest struggle has always been never feeling "good enough"... well I think my last blog busted a lot of bubbles and showed a lot of people that I have thought about suicide, I do have dark moments, but I'm no different than anyone else, I just want to feel loved and appreciated in a world that usually only shows appreciation when it's convenient for them.

I have a lot of inner hurdles I have to work on, like learning to accept things the way they are, learning that some people never want to see you happy, or see you succeed. Some people love it when you're down-- it makes them feel better about their own life. Those people, I need to wash my hands off. Much harder said than done. I'm learning through the hard times who my friends are and which ones aren't. I can't tell which is harder trying to figure out your friends in the good times or in the bad? Regardless, I'm working on it.

Some were a little upset that I didn't broadcast what was going on when it was going on-- well I barely told anyone.. mainly because I didn't want to hear "everything happens for a reason", "trust God, he makes no mistakes", "girl I've been through the same thing", "I know exactly how you feel". ALL things that literally make me want to punch someone in the face for saying. I know intentions may be good, but it sucks when you feel like your life is falling apart and someone tells you everything happens for a reason-- really? Explain it to me then. I trust in God, but in the moment I don't need the reminder. And people should never- ever say "I know exactly how you feel" ever... Because two people could go through the same diagnosis, but their bodies handle it completely different, their minds handle it differently, etc. It's belittling. Sorry-- I got a little bitchy in this paragraph, but "I had good intentions." ;)

Thanks to those who know my struggles and constantly remind me of my worth, who do some of the sweetest things just because. I can't tell you how much it meant last week for example when just randomly one of my daycare moms wrote me a little note just telling me how much her kids loved me and how much she appreciated me. Or one of my daycare dads just telling me thanks for giving his kids a safe place to learn and play. If more people took the time to show appreciation for others all the time, this world in general would be a much better place. I know I have a lot of work to do in that area, myself.

So for now, I have one huge thing to be thankful for, and lots of prayers needed to help keep me strong, help me get off this medicine, help us create another baby, help us financially provide for a bigger family, and so many other things. Help me become stronger enough to push people away who aren't good for me, to eliminate all negativity, and to conquer the darkness that likes to bring me down.

Thoughts of the moment

You know, I pride myself on being straight forward and truthful. For the last few weeks, even months I've thought "oh I got this- I'm doing great." Every time I feel like I'm moving forward my bubble gets popped and I fall 10 steps back.

My mom always asks me "what's wrong sugar?" My sister says "call me when you want to talk." My husband says "It's okay sweetie, don't let such small things bother you."

There are a handful of people who actually and truly love me and for them I am eternally grateful. But like I told my husband last night as I cried myself to sleep in his arms-- I've been broken for a long time. From the time I was a child I wasn't good enough to be loved, never being smart enough, talented enough, cool enough, --- point blank I've never been "enough."

I try to only talk about the positive, because no one likes a debbie downer.. no one wants to be around a pessimist. However, sometimes maybe I give the impression that my life is perfect or things are always great... that is far from the truth. Maybe I overcompensate because on the inside I never feel good enough so if I try to "impress" others or make myself seem awesome-- people may actually like me enough to be nice.

Do you know what if feels like to be ignored, to not be invited to fun events, to always be the one who helps others and never the one who receives it, to constantly try to make others feel important or loved, yet some of the same people would never think twice about doing it for you? Well I do, and it sucks. I'm 26 years old and I always end up getting the shit end of the stick-- I try to remain optimistic and most days I am, but it doesn't take away from the fact that aside from my niceness- I'm not dumb, and I realize that 9 times out of 10, I'm only needed or befriended when its convenient for them, otherwise I'm a thing of the past- it hurts.

People always talk about how they don't understand why someone would commit suicide- I'll tell you, because they get to a point of feeling so alone, so unloved, so worthless that they feel more like a burden to society than a grace. I had one of those moments just last night actually, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm human and I suffer with depression and anxiety, most days I'm okay but others I suffer. This week has been a very hard one for lots of different reasons and I let my mind take over and eventually I come back from it and realize that I have an amazing son who needs me and I would never want to leave him thinking he wasn't good enough for me to stay alive for him.

Depression sucks- suicide isn't cowardly, its the people who make people want to commit suicide that are cowardly. Always be nice to people because you never know what kind of day they could be having and your words good or bad could either put them over the edge or bring them back.

Part of the reason I love teaching and working with the kids I do-- they don't judge, they love me for who I am, they are just happy to have structure, go outside, cuddle, and learn. They don't need anything fancy.. they are just happy in the simple things. I love doing photography and catching everyone's happy moments and having them saved for people forever. I always say, I'm done being a people pleaser, I'm done letting things get to me, I'm done being a floor mat-- but the reality is, I'm not sure that's even possible.

All I can do is pray, tucker down and hold on and pray the next storm takes it a little easier on me. My biggest fear is being a bad mother, or Braeden feeling the same way I've felt for so long. I may not do everything right when it comes to discipline but I'm learning as I go. He will know every single day how smart he is, how handsome he is, how wonderful he is, and how much he means to me and I love him. That to me is the most important thing, building a strong and independent minded child who can stand on his own two feet and not struggle the way I do with always putting myself last.

disclaimer: I am not always "fine", I have struggles like anyone else, I try to cover it up with a smile, an up-beat post, and focusing only on the positive, but at night those dark moments don't disappear just because I want them to. It's a real battle and I work on it day by day. I also did not write this for a pity party-  I'm okay today. I just want to feel valued and important in life to the people who call me their friend, the ones on my facebook and the ones who know how much I've done for them.

In life isn't that what everyone wants? To love and be loved all in the same token? Everyone has a story- this is just mine.