Hello!!
Let's talk about men and their role in parenting... I know some of us are very lucky (like myself) to have wonderful husbands who share the responsibility of parenting whole heartedly. But there are others out there who do not. How can our hubbies help encourage those others to help out just as much? Also, do you guys feel like if our men spoke up more about their roles as father, that potentially it may make a difference in regards to men being able to get "paid paternity leave", or other benefits during or after child birth?
Crittenden argues that most men have dragged their heels in the sharing process of childcare, partly because "child care is accorded so little respect or accommodation." So few men participated in childcare during Crittenden's time it made it un-realistic for men to understand the true roles that child care has on the body and mind of the mother at home. Crittenden questioned whether if more men stood up for their roles at home, then more men overall would participate and help out around the house and with children.
I will start by saying I know I am extremely lucky, because Calvin and I share all responsibilities, with Braeden and in our marriage. He knew early on I was his wife, not his "house-wife." He understands that I work just as hard as he does and that, in a marriage we share everything else, so it only seems fair to share all the responsibilities as well. Now he is not the best sweeper, or duster but he will try. He can however clean the hell out of a bathroom! He can cook, and vacuum. He can fold the laundry, but most days he gets mine and Braedens' socks mixed up.. so it's usually easier for me to do that. lol. But the point is, he has no problem helping in any way he can, and when it comes to being a good dad--- he sets the bar very high. I have never been more in love with the man, than seeing him holding our precious son and knowing that we created that sweet baby boy!
To me, everything is about compromise-- you have to take the good with the bad, the hard with the easy. And you ALWAYS have to communicate! Our preacher told us early on, that if we didn't learn to communicate we would not last more than a year married. Well now almost 4 years later, I'd say most days we have it down. haha.. But we always communicate, when we are mad, sad, happy, or excited we always talk about it. We do not go to bed mad, and we always work through whatever challenge we face. Sometimes we both need reality checks and we are both strong minded and never mind giving them... haha.
I know when we had Braeden, Calvin stayed home for 3 weeks.. he saved his vacation time and personal time up. But it would have been nice if he could have had some "paid" time off aside from his vacation and personal time. Do you guys think if more men took a stand for it, it would ever happen?
Also, why do you feel that the dads that aren't supportive, aren't supportive? I believe it could be a lot of different things... One mainly, they just don't understand. They don't understand how a woman can bleed for a week and not die, they don't understand how a woman's stomach can stretch out the size of a watermelon and she not pop. They don't understand how a woman can deliver a baby the size of a watermelon from a hole the size of a bagel! So we can't expect them to work wonders, because I have learned with men, it needs to be specific and physical. Hormones, mood swings, and the way we "feel".. doesn't make sense to them, they just understand it when we flip out on them.
Another reason, is because us as women nag the hell out of them until they give up.. We ask them to change diapers but either the diaper is too lose, too tight, or never just "right." In my opinion, as long as it's one and his legs aren't purple.. it was successful. And Calvin quickly learned not to have the diapers too loose, because Braeden peed on him out of his diaper. haha.. The point is, men need praise. They want to be appreciated just as much as women, and they often forget to thank us as much as we need, but in order to get help from them, we need to remind them how much we appreciate them. They will learn from experience, just as us as new moms do... we just have to give them a chance.
Then the other reason-- well to me it is unknown, how a man could father a child, and not want to be apart of it's life. My father donated his sperm.. that is about it. He has not been there for me at all in my almost 25 years of life and quite frankly I have never really needed him, because luckily I had a step-father who stepped in and raised me as his own. He is the reason I am the way I am today, I am particular, persistent, and a perfectionist with details... All traits from him. He taught me the fundamentals of life and how to be successful, and I hope one day he can say I made him proud, just like one day I hope as parents Braeden will look at Calvin and I and be proud of us.
Overall, men are just a different species than
women and just like all humans we want to be appreciated, loved, and
feel important. So it took me a while to understand than even if Braeden's shirt and pants did
not exactly match, the point was he was trying and he would eventually
figure it all out. My nagging and pestering only pushed him to not want
to help. Now we look back and laugh
at the moments we both had, but in the end he tells all his friends how
if you want a happy home, keep your wife happy. ;)
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Mommy Confessions
Good morning fellow moms!
I am sure we all had had our guilty moments or moments we have learned from, after all there is no handbook instruction manual for every kid. Below are some of my confessions, hope you will share yours!
I admit our son slept with us in our bed for the first 6-7 weeks on and off. He had bad reflux issues so my husband and I thought it was best... then we said okay by the time he is 3 months we will put him in his own room. (By 2 months he was sleeping in his own bassinet, just in our room) ... well he will be 4 months old the 28 and this is his second night in his room. He is doing great... he falls asleep around 10-11 and sleeps til 7am. He wakes a few times through the night, but nothing where he gets out of his bed. Needless to say the transition has been harder on Calvin and I than Braeden of course, but he seems better rested so that makes me feel better.
Recently we started this teething stuff, and for the most part he seems fine but then he will have a bad day here and there where they seem to hurt particularly bad. Normally cold teethers, my finger, chew toys, or rocking and cuddling with one of the mentioned but the other night we broke down and gave him infant tylenol because that seemed to be our only solution. Soon after he seemed much better. I hate taking medicine and I hate the idea of giving it to him, but I also hate seeing him in such pain.
I will also admit that there were a few nights early on that Braeden actually slept on me through the night.. now I would sleep in a sitting position with pillows around me so he would not fall but still. And when he did sleep in he bed with us, he slept on his infant bobby pillow for safety. I just figured he was not sleeping the other way and neither were we, so therefore during the day I felt run down.
Most of you all know I am not a fan of the "crying it out" method. Unless you have a child that just cries to cry, which I do not really believe in I just do not understand how that seems okay? I mean there is a big difference between 5 minutes and 30 as well. Braeden has cried before for 5 minutes or so if I needed to use the bathroom, or fix me something to eat... but just letting him cry to teach him he wont get his way? That seems crazy. I know I may bump a few toes on this one, but quite frankly I think it is lazy parenting to just let your kid cry and cry. Something is obviously wrong with them if they keep crying. Now I am talking about my child age (4 months and younger). However, I do not feel there is a need even when he is a year old or so to just let him cry and cry. Again a short moment is one thing, and obviously parents know there kids, Braeden only cries when something is wrong, so that is why I feel this way. Not to mention studies link several cases of children who have a lack of confidence and emotional problems to being left to cry it out as a child. So for those moms who say "let um cry, it wont hurt anything... you are wrong." I just feel like it is my job as a parent to keep my baby happy, healthy, and safe at all times to the best of my ability. I do know, that Braeden knows when he is upset or whatever may be wrong... he knows mom and dad love him and even if we do not pick him up, we hold his hand and re-assure him everything will be okay. And at the end of the day, I have a happy boy who smiles all the time, loves his mommy and daddy, and guess what... rarely cries :)
Speaking of crying another confession, in the beginning, Braeden fought sleep so bad.. so I thought. Turns out I was mistaken and he was not really ready to go to sleep and here I am trying everything to put him to sleep thinking that is what I am supposed to do, and in reality he is crying like mom... Im not tired lol. So now, we play and play until he cant keep his eyes open, I rock him for a minute and lay him down. No fighting sleep, and needless to say a learning experience! lol.
One a side note... I read this the other day and it infuriated me. This mom was talking about how her kid was so full of energy and wanted to play and she was going to give her benedryl (sp) so she would take a nap, so the mom could watch tv and rest... are you serious?! It should be illegal for parents to do that.. it is essentially drugging your kid! Anyways that was a side rant..
Anywho, I apologize for any grammatical/ spelling errors as I did this blog while feeding Braeden on my kindle.
Okay brag moment, nursing is still going great, and baby food is going good! He likes sweet peas and peaches as long as they are cold, and bananas cold or room temperature.
Love watching him grow, but already missing the little boy that would take naps on mommy. Now he is too long, and it is not as comfortable for him. lol.
Hope you guys will comment with your learning moments, rants, or brag moments :)
I am sure we all had had our guilty moments or moments we have learned from, after all there is no handbook instruction manual for every kid. Below are some of my confessions, hope you will share yours!
I admit our son slept with us in our bed for the first 6-7 weeks on and off. He had bad reflux issues so my husband and I thought it was best... then we said okay by the time he is 3 months we will put him in his own room. (By 2 months he was sleeping in his own bassinet, just in our room) ... well he will be 4 months old the 28 and this is his second night in his room. He is doing great... he falls asleep around 10-11 and sleeps til 7am. He wakes a few times through the night, but nothing where he gets out of his bed. Needless to say the transition has been harder on Calvin and I than Braeden of course, but he seems better rested so that makes me feel better.
Recently we started this teething stuff, and for the most part he seems fine but then he will have a bad day here and there where they seem to hurt particularly bad. Normally cold teethers, my finger, chew toys, or rocking and cuddling with one of the mentioned but the other night we broke down and gave him infant tylenol because that seemed to be our only solution. Soon after he seemed much better. I hate taking medicine and I hate the idea of giving it to him, but I also hate seeing him in such pain.
I will also admit that there were a few nights early on that Braeden actually slept on me through the night.. now I would sleep in a sitting position with pillows around me so he would not fall but still. And when he did sleep in he bed with us, he slept on his infant bobby pillow for safety. I just figured he was not sleeping the other way and neither were we, so therefore during the day I felt run down.
Most of you all know I am not a fan of the "crying it out" method. Unless you have a child that just cries to cry, which I do not really believe in I just do not understand how that seems okay? I mean there is a big difference between 5 minutes and 30 as well. Braeden has cried before for 5 minutes or so if I needed to use the bathroom, or fix me something to eat... but just letting him cry to teach him he wont get his way? That seems crazy. I know I may bump a few toes on this one, but quite frankly I think it is lazy parenting to just let your kid cry and cry. Something is obviously wrong with them if they keep crying. Now I am talking about my child age (4 months and younger). However, I do not feel there is a need even when he is a year old or so to just let him cry and cry. Again a short moment is one thing, and obviously parents know there kids, Braeden only cries when something is wrong, so that is why I feel this way. Not to mention studies link several cases of children who have a lack of confidence and emotional problems to being left to cry it out as a child. So for those moms who say "let um cry, it wont hurt anything... you are wrong." I just feel like it is my job as a parent to keep my baby happy, healthy, and safe at all times to the best of my ability. I do know, that Braeden knows when he is upset or whatever may be wrong... he knows mom and dad love him and even if we do not pick him up, we hold his hand and re-assure him everything will be okay. And at the end of the day, I have a happy boy who smiles all the time, loves his mommy and daddy, and guess what... rarely cries :)
Speaking of crying another confession, in the beginning, Braeden fought sleep so bad.. so I thought. Turns out I was mistaken and he was not really ready to go to sleep and here I am trying everything to put him to sleep thinking that is what I am supposed to do, and in reality he is crying like mom... Im not tired lol. So now, we play and play until he cant keep his eyes open, I rock him for a minute and lay him down. No fighting sleep, and needless to say a learning experience! lol.
One a side note... I read this the other day and it infuriated me. This mom was talking about how her kid was so full of energy and wanted to play and she was going to give her benedryl (sp) so she would take a nap, so the mom could watch tv and rest... are you serious?! It should be illegal for parents to do that.. it is essentially drugging your kid! Anyways that was a side rant..
Anywho, I apologize for any grammatical/ spelling errors as I did this blog while feeding Braeden on my kindle.
Okay brag moment, nursing is still going great, and baby food is going good! He likes sweet peas and peaches as long as they are cold, and bananas cold or room temperature.
Love watching him grow, but already missing the little boy that would take naps on mommy. Now he is too long, and it is not as comfortable for him. lol.
Hope you guys will comment with your learning moments, rants, or brag moments :)
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Mommy Questions: Day 1
Hey guys!
Well today is October 4th and I must say I LOVE being a mommy. I plan on using this blog to talk with other moms about their struggles, accomplishments, and so forth. I think it is always better when multiple people work together.
Braeden was 3 months old on September 28 and he is growing way too fast. He weighs 15 pounds and is 26 inches long. He is wearing 6-9 months clothes.. mostly 9 months. He is so smart is is crazy! I hope that my other moms will share their brag stories as well. The way I see it, you work hard to raise your child, teach them things, keep them healthy, etc. You may as well brag a little ;)
So first thing.. Braeden just started teething. It is painful for him and breaks my heart but I know that it will eventually pass. Currently cold teethers work and my finger seems to make him happy. lol. He has not been as bad as I expected but I also know the worst has yet to come. So any tips are appreciated. :)
Second thing.. Braeden will sleep for 8-9 hours a night when he is in bed with Calvin and I. ( We have a napper thing he sleeps in, in between Calvin and I when we travel.) At home he sleeps in his bed and sleeps good but only about 6-7 hours max. I know this could be worse but it just makes it hard when I know if I put him in the bed with us he will sleep so much better, but it will be a hard habit to break later on. He actually slept with us the first month and a half because of his reflux/ tummy issues and transitioned well into his bed. So I'm not sure whether to just keep him in his own bed, or maybe rotate him some nights with us and not. The nights he sleeps longer he is so full of energy the next day. When he wakes throughout the night he tends to be grumpy the next day. Overall I just want him to get some good sleep and feel rested and ready to play regardless of what that means.
Third thing- I have some clothes and a bouncer that I am looking to get rid of to buy more toys, etc for Braeden so if you are interested or know someone please email me (hedmunds09@gmail.com) or message me via facebook.
Fourth-- Braeden and I work on crawling, walking, motor skills, picture books, and tummy time everyday.. any other ideas for fun things to do with him at this age? He loves outdoors, t.v., and us singing to him. He is not big on squeaky toys.
Fifth- This kid will not take a bottle.. I have pumped and tried to give him a bottle and he won't take it. He will if he is starving but that is about it.. He likes nursing the best. Not to mention the few times he has taken a bottle he throws up afterwards from where he gets so worked up from not wanting it. :/ So suggestions?
Sixth-- In the next month or so I may start introducing baby food in addition to nursing. I have a blender and am interested in making natural foods for Braeden versus foods with fillers and additives. Any suggestions on that, or how to make it? What are some good starter foods?
Okay.. enough topics for day one. My goal is to try and make updates once a week. I would love to know what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe something I do will work for you.. who knows. I feel like the first year is trial and error anyway so we may as well work together!
At the end of each blog I am going to try and do a brag moment. Prior to having Braeden I really didn't take any pride for myself, but I feel like a child is hard work and as parents we should be able to toot our own horn every now in then! :)
Brag moment: I am proud of myself for having solely nursed for the last 3 months and I pray that I will be able to continue :)
Well today is October 4th and I must say I LOVE being a mommy. I plan on using this blog to talk with other moms about their struggles, accomplishments, and so forth. I think it is always better when multiple people work together.
Braeden was 3 months old on September 28 and he is growing way too fast. He weighs 15 pounds and is 26 inches long. He is wearing 6-9 months clothes.. mostly 9 months. He is so smart is is crazy! I hope that my other moms will share their brag stories as well. The way I see it, you work hard to raise your child, teach them things, keep them healthy, etc. You may as well brag a little ;)
So first thing.. Braeden just started teething. It is painful for him and breaks my heart but I know that it will eventually pass. Currently cold teethers work and my finger seems to make him happy. lol. He has not been as bad as I expected but I also know the worst has yet to come. So any tips are appreciated. :)
Second thing.. Braeden will sleep for 8-9 hours a night when he is in bed with Calvin and I. ( We have a napper thing he sleeps in, in between Calvin and I when we travel.) At home he sleeps in his bed and sleeps good but only about 6-7 hours max. I know this could be worse but it just makes it hard when I know if I put him in the bed with us he will sleep so much better, but it will be a hard habit to break later on. He actually slept with us the first month and a half because of his reflux/ tummy issues and transitioned well into his bed. So I'm not sure whether to just keep him in his own bed, or maybe rotate him some nights with us and not. The nights he sleeps longer he is so full of energy the next day. When he wakes throughout the night he tends to be grumpy the next day. Overall I just want him to get some good sleep and feel rested and ready to play regardless of what that means.
Third thing- I have some clothes and a bouncer that I am looking to get rid of to buy more toys, etc for Braeden so if you are interested or know someone please email me (hedmunds09@gmail.com) or message me via facebook.
Fourth-- Braeden and I work on crawling, walking, motor skills, picture books, and tummy time everyday.. any other ideas for fun things to do with him at this age? He loves outdoors, t.v., and us singing to him. He is not big on squeaky toys.
Fifth- This kid will not take a bottle.. I have pumped and tried to give him a bottle and he won't take it. He will if he is starving but that is about it.. He likes nursing the best. Not to mention the few times he has taken a bottle he throws up afterwards from where he gets so worked up from not wanting it. :/ So suggestions?
Sixth-- In the next month or so I may start introducing baby food in addition to nursing. I have a blender and am interested in making natural foods for Braeden versus foods with fillers and additives. Any suggestions on that, or how to make it? What are some good starter foods?
Okay.. enough topics for day one. My goal is to try and make updates once a week. I would love to know what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe something I do will work for you.. who knows. I feel like the first year is trial and error anyway so we may as well work together!
At the end of each blog I am going to try and do a brag moment. Prior to having Braeden I really didn't take any pride for myself, but I feel like a child is hard work and as parents we should be able to toot our own horn every now in then! :)
Brag moment: I am proud of myself for having solely nursed for the last 3 months and I pray that I will be able to continue :)
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