I look around and this world is crumbling, some have lost their homes, children, and families... yet I can't seem to pick up my feet from losing our house. I just keep worrying about where we are going to live after June 1st. The closest family is about 4 hours away, and after all the current events I feel selfish for feeling so weak, but I just can't shake it. I try to be such a good person, live right, do unto others the way I want to be treated and yet this happens. Sure, things may work out in a different light, but that doesn't erase all the time, money, and heart that we have put into this "home." For once I thought we would have it all together, and I know that no matter where we are, as long as we have each other we will be okay, but it doesn't wash away the frustrations and pain I feel now.
The last few days, I have found myself questioning why? When we lost our baby in 2011 everyone said "time will heal your wounds", "everything happens for a reason"... maybe I am too logical of a person, but I didn't miscarry, I had an ectopic pregnancy and almost died. Having to abort my healthy baby at 13 weeks because I would have died, and seeing the little hands and feet still haunts me to this day.
I know that we will pick up our feet and get it together again in time, but there is a lot of fog right now in view. It is just so frustrating for me right now, not just because of this house situation, but because I know so many good people, that bad things happen to.. and it is never logical. And I know I am not supposed to question to Lord, or his plan.. but you know sometimes I am human, and I do. There is not one person in the world, that just sits back like a robot and does everything by the book. And is sad as it is to say, doing some research in the bible and some of its words, makes me even question my faith at times. As absolutely horrible as that sounds in my head, I can only imagine how it sounds written out, but the point of these blogs is to free my mind, so that is part of it. Judge me if you wish, but I always speak the truth. I can promise that anyone who wishes to judge me should clean out their closets first, because no one is a saint, we are all sinners in our own ways.
Regardless, this experience has taught me not to stress about money, because if something horrible is going to happen, sometimes it is completely out of our hands and it doesn't matter how much money your have. Obviously money helps, but in our situation money didn't cause this problem. I have also learned that no matter how "comfortable" you think you are, bad things can happen in an instant, and you can go from living in a beautiful apartment or house to homeless like a light switch. In regards to the recent horrible acts of violence all over our country, I know these people feel like they have hit rock bottom and I know that if they can get up and move on so can I. I just needed to clear my head and re-focus. They say if it looks too good to be true, it probably is. I guess some people just aren't meant to have it all, in regards to a family and house.
I truly appreciate all the phone calls, text messages, and Facebook messages; it truly means a lot. I apologize for delayed or no responses sometimes I just don't have the words. They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle, well I am sure millions of American's would agree... several people are being pushed to their limits. I know I am have a beautiful son and an amazing and hardworking husband to be strong for. My family pull through and somehow find a place to live, make all this work.
With love,
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Sunday, May 12, 2013
A day for all Mother's: Past, Present, and Future
Happy Mother's Day 2013!
You know, it is truly amazing how the last 3 years have been in regards to Mother's day! So let's rewind, Mother's day 2010, I was happily married to the love of my life without a care in the world! Mother's day 2011, I was struggling with depression as we had lost our first baby and still no luck being pregnant again. Mother's day 2012, I was pregnant (and almost due) with Braeden! Mother's day 2013, I get to look into these gorgeous brown eyes of this little boy who is almost a year old and fall even harder in love with him, for giving me this day to celebrate!
You see, the last 3 years this day has had a particular meaning, and some not always good. I have so many friends that dread this day because they have either lost their mother, or are not mothers themselves. God does not get confused when it comes to his plan, but even I still do not always understand why we go through the obstacles we go through to get where we are going.
I know so many amazing women who would be wonderful moms, yet they can't get pregnant; or have a healthy pregnancy. I also know so many beautiful people whose moms have since left to go to Heaven. So this day means something entirely different for them than me.
However, today should be a celebration of your mom, whether she is here or not, remember all the good times and know she is watching you from the sky and is dear in your heart. Those mommies with little baby angels, know that our little angels are flying high and waiting to finally meet us one day in Heaven and they are proud of us even if we have yet to meet them yet.
And those mommies who are pregnant or have been pregnant, you deserve to celebrate too for what is to come. And even if God does not allow your body to produce a beautiful child on your own, know that their are millions of precious babies that would love to call you mommy.
Today we are not just women, but we are powerful, strong, beautiful mommies! We each have our story, and our children will soon understand why today is so important, and eventually they too will have their own meaning for this day too!
With love <3
You know, it is truly amazing how the last 3 years have been in regards to Mother's day! So let's rewind, Mother's day 2010, I was happily married to the love of my life without a care in the world! Mother's day 2011, I was struggling with depression as we had lost our first baby and still no luck being pregnant again. Mother's day 2012, I was pregnant (and almost due) with Braeden! Mother's day 2013, I get to look into these gorgeous brown eyes of this little boy who is almost a year old and fall even harder in love with him, for giving me this day to celebrate!
You see, the last 3 years this day has had a particular meaning, and some not always good. I have so many friends that dread this day because they have either lost their mother, or are not mothers themselves. God does not get confused when it comes to his plan, but even I still do not always understand why we go through the obstacles we go through to get where we are going.
I know so many amazing women who would be wonderful moms, yet they can't get pregnant; or have a healthy pregnancy. I also know so many beautiful people whose moms have since left to go to Heaven. So this day means something entirely different for them than me.
However, today should be a celebration of your mom, whether she is here or not, remember all the good times and know she is watching you from the sky and is dear in your heart. Those mommies with little baby angels, know that our little angels are flying high and waiting to finally meet us one day in Heaven and they are proud of us even if we have yet to meet them yet.
And those mommies who are pregnant or have been pregnant, you deserve to celebrate too for what is to come. And even if God does not allow your body to produce a beautiful child on your own, know that their are millions of precious babies that would love to call you mommy.
Today we are not just women, but we are powerful, strong, beautiful mommies! We each have our story, and our children will soon understand why today is so important, and eventually they too will have their own meaning for this day too!
With love <3
Monday, May 6, 2013
Can of Worms, Follow up
First off, I would like to apologize to any that saw the argument between myself and a friend on the link where I posted my previous blog. That was completely childish, immature, and it never should have happened. It has sense been deleted as has the friendship. Regardless, out of everyone that read it, I only seemed to have pushed two people's buttons, which is two people two many, however under the context of what the blog was about I guess it definitely could have been worse.
I have read and re-read my previous blog multiple times and in the end my blog was solely about something I read which opened my eyes, and lead me to post about it. If it opened your eyes to something great, if not then that was fine as well. It was never about judgement of any kind. I then asked the questions I asked because I wanted further knowledge of why people post the things they do in regards to racial groups. Some responses I gained were "I share, because I take pride in my culture and I want other to as well." "I share because, usually there is a cute quote and I like it, not necessarily having anything to do with culture." "I share because there is a huge problem with negativity around the black community and I want to shed a more positive light." "I share because I do feel that white women belong with white men and black women belong with black men, I feel like if people stayed within their cultures the world would be a better place." See all of these answers are diverse and different, in (MY) personal opinion the last comment was a little derogatory but that is in (MY) opinion. I asked a question, and I got answers, at the end of the day it was never to demean or conform to my way of thinking it was simply as it was stated.. to gain further knowledge; which I did.
At the end of the day, I have always believed that everyone should be proud of where they come from, but I guess I also believe that as a country we should also work together versus apart and take pride in each others cultures as well. I guess I am really weird because I have always taken interest in learning about others and how other cultures live, and do. I feel like learning this information make me more diverse and culturally aware, so sometimes if I seem stupid for asking these questions, I promise it is not intended I just am trying to better understand others points of views. I have stated multiple times, for I'll state it again, I love all people; White, Black, Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Christian, Jewish, Muslim,, people are people to me and I do not nor have I ever judged people based on their cultures, etc.
I hope that if there were any readers that mis-read what I wrote that this has helped further explain where I am coming from. In a perfect world, none of these things would matter and we would all just get along. Maybe one day or at least wishful thinking.. haha.
With Love.
I have read and re-read my previous blog multiple times and in the end my blog was solely about something I read which opened my eyes, and lead me to post about it. If it opened your eyes to something great, if not then that was fine as well. It was never about judgement of any kind. I then asked the questions I asked because I wanted further knowledge of why people post the things they do in regards to racial groups. Some responses I gained were "I share, because I take pride in my culture and I want other to as well." "I share because, usually there is a cute quote and I like it, not necessarily having anything to do with culture." "I share because there is a huge problem with negativity around the black community and I want to shed a more positive light." "I share because I do feel that white women belong with white men and black women belong with black men, I feel like if people stayed within their cultures the world would be a better place." See all of these answers are diverse and different, in (MY) personal opinion the last comment was a little derogatory but that is in (MY) opinion. I asked a question, and I got answers, at the end of the day it was never to demean or conform to my way of thinking it was simply as it was stated.. to gain further knowledge; which I did.
At the end of the day, I have always believed that everyone should be proud of where they come from, but I guess I also believe that as a country we should also work together versus apart and take pride in each others cultures as well. I guess I am really weird because I have always taken interest in learning about others and how other cultures live, and do. I feel like learning this information make me more diverse and culturally aware, so sometimes if I seem stupid for asking these questions, I promise it is not intended I just am trying to better understand others points of views. I have stated multiple times, for I'll state it again, I love all people; White, Black, Asian, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Christian, Jewish, Muslim,, people are people to me and I do not nor have I ever judged people based on their cultures, etc.
I hope that if there were any readers that mis-read what I wrote that this has helped further explain where I am coming from. In a perfect world, none of these things would matter and we would all just get along. Maybe one day or at least wishful thinking.. haha.
With Love.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Can of Worms?
So I have wondered for the last few months on whether to write about this or not, simply because I feel I could be opening a can of worms. However, anyone that knows me knows I am not afraid to handle hot topics.
Recently, I was on Facebook and saw a blog post on a page I follow titled "Mixed Children are the Prettiest- Racism". So of course, I felt inclined to click it and read. Well, the author was mixed herself and she was writing of how she was in the grocery store the other day and a woman came up and said "aww, your daughter is so cute, but then again mixed babies are the cutest." The author said she simply replied "thank you, but all God's children are beautiful." The author said she felt horrible for the white lady standing behind her with her white baby, because the woman told her daughter.. sweetheart you are adorable too. Obviously the intent of the stranger was not to offend anyone, however these are the things we do not necessarily think about before we speak.
I know when we first had Braeden, people said that all the time, and I never once thought about it the way this woman wrote. To me race has never been something I paid attention to, I have also never made the comment "mixed babies are the cutest." I have just always commented on the child, not their race. So I guess for those friends who have said this, I don't think any of you meant it in a harmful way, but next time before you say it think about how it may make someone else feel. If someone said "black babies are the cutest" or "white babies are the cutest" that person would be considered racist, and in this woman's blog she was stating how this is no different.
With that, I have a lingering question, I of all people have no prejudice against anyone but I keep seeing things on my news feed and it makes me wonder the true thought of some of my facebook friends. So I figured I would address it. I have lots of friends who post things like "black love rocks" "black pride" "black women united" and there are many others but I can't remember all the names. Now without trying to stir anything up-- because that is far from my intention I just want to know from the black perspective how would you ladies feel it you saw "white pride" "white love rocks" or "white women united"? To me solely "white" items are labeled as racists, so what is the difference? I know most of the women who post these things are far from racists, but similar the blog I posted about above, it is all in the way your messages are received. I guess race has always been a hot topic for me because my family and I catch hell from white people and black people in regards to us being interracial. Which brings me to my next question, I have seen on Facebook "friends" of mine posting snide comments about people who do mix race and how black women are strong and white women are inferior which is why black men choose white women and many other non-sense things like this. **If you post things like this on Facebook, just know that 1) it is 2013 and men choose women for the qualities that they have, not their race, and 2) I think each race has it's strong, weak, ignorant, educated, and so forth.
Comments like these make people look closed minded and ignorant, and I KNOW that the people who post these things on Facebook are neither of these, so I wanted to provide a new perspective for the things you post. I know I have posted some things in the past that annoy people, and once addressed I have taken it down, because the last thing I would ever want to do is offend someone, so if this blog offends you then I apologize -- it was not my intent. This is just an issue that I feel needs to be addressed because if any of the above is in fact the way people feel, then I need to clean up my friends list because I do not need that negativity around me, my husband, or my son.
The way I see it, God created everyone equally and if you choose to marry or date within your race, that is your decision no different than those people who choose to marry or date outside their race. My point is I hope that this blog makes people who genuinely care about how they come across to be more aware about how the things they post can be received. I love you all and hopefully can gain some knowledge about why people post these things and the meaning behind it.
With love
Me :)
Recently, I was on Facebook and saw a blog post on a page I follow titled "Mixed Children are the Prettiest- Racism". So of course, I felt inclined to click it and read. Well, the author was mixed herself and she was writing of how she was in the grocery store the other day and a woman came up and said "aww, your daughter is so cute, but then again mixed babies are the cutest." The author said she simply replied "thank you, but all God's children are beautiful." The author said she felt horrible for the white lady standing behind her with her white baby, because the woman told her daughter.. sweetheart you are adorable too. Obviously the intent of the stranger was not to offend anyone, however these are the things we do not necessarily think about before we speak.
I know when we first had Braeden, people said that all the time, and I never once thought about it the way this woman wrote. To me race has never been something I paid attention to, I have also never made the comment "mixed babies are the cutest." I have just always commented on the child, not their race. So I guess for those friends who have said this, I don't think any of you meant it in a harmful way, but next time before you say it think about how it may make someone else feel. If someone said "black babies are the cutest" or "white babies are the cutest" that person would be considered racist, and in this woman's blog she was stating how this is no different.
With that, I have a lingering question, I of all people have no prejudice against anyone but I keep seeing things on my news feed and it makes me wonder the true thought of some of my facebook friends. So I figured I would address it. I have lots of friends who post things like "black love rocks" "black pride" "black women united" and there are many others but I can't remember all the names. Now without trying to stir anything up-- because that is far from my intention I just want to know from the black perspective how would you ladies feel it you saw "white pride" "white love rocks" or "white women united"? To me solely "white" items are labeled as racists, so what is the difference? I know most of the women who post these things are far from racists, but similar the blog I posted about above, it is all in the way your messages are received. I guess race has always been a hot topic for me because my family and I catch hell from white people and black people in regards to us being interracial. Which brings me to my next question, I have seen on Facebook "friends" of mine posting snide comments about people who do mix race and how black women are strong and white women are inferior which is why black men choose white women and many other non-sense things like this. **If you post things like this on Facebook, just know that 1) it is 2013 and men choose women for the qualities that they have, not their race, and 2) I think each race has it's strong, weak, ignorant, educated, and so forth.
Comments like these make people look closed minded and ignorant, and I KNOW that the people who post these things on Facebook are neither of these, so I wanted to provide a new perspective for the things you post. I know I have posted some things in the past that annoy people, and once addressed I have taken it down, because the last thing I would ever want to do is offend someone, so if this blog offends you then I apologize -- it was not my intent. This is just an issue that I feel needs to be addressed because if any of the above is in fact the way people feel, then I need to clean up my friends list because I do not need that negativity around me, my husband, or my son.
The way I see it, God created everyone equally and if you choose to marry or date within your race, that is your decision no different than those people who choose to marry or date outside their race. My point is I hope that this blog makes people who genuinely care about how they come across to be more aware about how the things they post can be received. I love you all and hopefully can gain some knowledge about why people post these things and the meaning behind it.
With love
Me :)
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