A Sad Day

You know, it's truly amazing how celebrities hold a spot in our hearts, some we love, we grow up with, we learn from, admire, and truly feel like we "know." I'm not sure why Robin William's death has touched me the way it has, but like a friend of mine said- "I feel like a part of my childhood is gone." I remember watching Mrs. Doubtfire a million times growing up- laughing so hard I almost peed my pants because it was just that funny. My other favorite is Aladdin, both movies I do not think I can ever watch again without just feeling sad.

"I'm going to miss you Genie." 

With his death brings about a serious issue that millions of Americans face every day, yet no one speaks up. Depression is a horrible disease that is not always easy to escape. How educated are you on the disease? Did you know that depression is the leading cause of suicide? 

*Suicide takes the lives of nearly 30,000 Americans every year

*For young people aged 15-24, suicide is the third leading cause of death

*80% of people that seek treatment for depression are treated successfully

*Suicide CAN be prevented through education and public awareness

If you know someone who suffers from depression, call them more often, text them- check on them and remind them that you care. Do not assume because they are not always available that they are okay- some of the weakest and lowest moments are the ones when no one is around to stop them. Robin Williams death also proves that money cannot buy happiness, so it does not matter what a person has on the outside, everyone has struggles. 

Personally, most of you guys know my struggle with depression- thankfully I made the decision to seek help. I wanted Braeden to grow up with a mommy and I didn't want to put the burden on my husband to explain to our son why his mommy decided she wasn't "worth" living anymore. I'll admit though- I remember those low moments very vividly.. I felt like I was a burden to every one I was around. That I was a joke, no one would ever take me seriously anyway. That if I died- who would even care? Who would miss me or even notice I was gone? All these feelings put together at the same time, can make for a very low moment. 

More personal, my fight was mostly with myself. I felt like a disappointment for struggling to get pregnant and not being able to get pregnant again. (Disclosure: I am VERY grateful for our son; but always wanted to have multiple kids.) I felt like what was wrong with me, isn't it a woman's responsibility to make children? Then I started noticing how many other women struggle with infertility and other baby making abilities. Things at home weren't going very good either, Calvin and I were always fighting- which I blamed myself for every argument and that just made it worse. Our financial status changed dramatically and we were hanging on by a frayed thread. Lastly of course, there was my own self image struggles. I was never pretty enough, skinny enough, toned enough, my hair wasn't cut right, my clothes weren't new enough, a lot of superficial issues drilled into my head from the airbrushed unrealistic images laid out that REAL women can never compete with. No one understood me, and I felt completely alone. 

Of course I understand all this now- but the point is that until you have dealt with depression or have been side by side with someone who has; it makes it very easy to make generalized statements like "suicide is selfish." I've read so many comments of un-educated people about Robin Williams death and it astonishes my how people are so naive to not realize that depression and suicide are huge and real issues that our country is facing. Our youth are committing suicide at a much higher rate that 5 years ago, and then higher then 5 years previous to that. Our generation and ones above us are not taking school bullying seriously, we are not using our brains to educate ourselves and others to help eliminate such unnecessary measures of death. 

Please share this blog, talk about these issues with your friends, family, and most of all TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! Life is too precious, and ends quick enough as it is. Take care of the ones you love and create a safe place for them to talk, cry, and come when they need it! And if you are reading this blog, and you suffer from depression yourself know this-- there is always help, and YOU are not the problem the disease is and as ugly as depression is- it can be overcome and controlled with help. 

Take life seriously, be kind to one another. Help your neighbors, your friends, and your family.. Pay it forward and always smile, because you never know how much such a simple gesture could make someone's day. 

With love. 

Don't be a target-- All Women Please Read!

Ladies--

I took a amazing self defense class this weekend and learned so much! A lot of it I can't share- you have to physically take the course to learn, but some of it I can and will.

*Did you know that every 2 minutes somewhere in America, someone is assaulted? (2012 statistic)
*A rape is reported about once every six minutes in the U.S. (2001)

How can we change this? Prepare yourself to 1) not be a target and 2) if you become a target, defend yourself and escape.

There are several ways to reduce the risk of becoming a target:
1) Your home:
*Try walking around your home, at night or during the day- can you easily find a way in?
*Make sure your drapes or shades are always thick and pulled at night. This prevents a silhouetting                 effect to show someone who and where you are inside the house at night.
*Make sure if you have outdoor lights- use them! Keep them on so your neighbors can be your look               out, also so police can view your house and see any potential attacker.
*Make sure your shrubs and bushes are at least 6" below your window ledge so that there is no room             for someone to hide behind them.
*Make sure you keep your doors and windows locked at all times, even on second floors. People can           be quite deceiving if they are trying to get in your home.
*Having a hide-a-key is very dangerous, most criminals know to look for these specific areas first in               order to get in- trust a neighbor, family member, or friend before leaving a key outside.
*When someone knocks on the door- verify who they really are before allowing them in.
*Always leave a light on, so you do not return home to a dark house.

2) Your vehicle:
*Always check your car before getting in, make sure no one is hiding in, under, or around your car.
*Once you're inside your vehicle, lock the door.
*Try to always back in when parking, so you are easily able to leave if need be.
*Always keep your key in hand when walking to car, your key could also be used as a weapon if                    needed.

The biggest thing I learned was to be completely aware of your surroundings... when walking alone always pay attention to those around you- their race, clothing color, something to describe them if you needed to. When driving, always know where you are if your car breaks down, or if you get lost you will have an idea to tell police to help you.

If you are completely aware of your surroundings- you are much more aware, so if an attack did happen you are more prepared. If someone attacks you YELL "NO" "STOP" as loud as you can, get someone's attention, cause a scene. And always give eye contact, if shows you have confidence and are less likely to be viewed as an easy target.

In our perfect heads, these situations would "never" happen to us, but realistically what if it did? Do you KNOW that as a woman there are so many tools you can learn to get out of nearly every situation? Are you confident you would survive? What if you are with your kids? These are questions you need to ask, and if you aren't sure-- take a class. This RAD class I took is offered all over the U.S. and in several other countries for FREE.

Just taking it, I learned so much about my own personal strength- my ability to think quickly on my feet, and my ability to safely get out of a dangerous situation if I ever needed to. All women should be able to experience that feeling. Contact your local police department and see what options are offered in your area, and as women-- let's put a stop to being the victim!

This video is on youtube- This is Anthony Furguson; he broke into over 600 homes in the Charlotte Area. It's called "Interview with a Burglar" and he tells you all the things he looked for before breaking in.

Click below:
Interview with a Burglar

Sometimes the truth hurts---

So I started back in November-ish on my anti-depressant/ anxiety medication and around January got to a really happy place which I've been now for a while. Calvin and I are on the fence whether we want to struggle to try to have another baby, or just call a quits and focus only on Braeden. I'm torn because I don't want Braeden to be an only child, but I also don't want to go through the potential heart break of losing another child. SO the grand idea was that I would work my way off my medicine and we would not try/try so to speak and if it happened great, if not- okay.

Well, I've worked my way down to 20mg from 40mg and I thought I was doing great, but I've noticed I steadily been going to bed later and later--- and having a hard time at that. My mind constantly races, it never shuts off. And yesterday I seemed short tempered with Calvin. :( The medicine I have been taking has a fabulous side effect of appetite control, however since I've dropped my dose it hasn't really worked and with the stress of Braeden being sick, Layla's surgery, and now the lack of sleep-- I've gained weight.. like 10lbs quick. BUT I'm not going to fret over it, I will get it under control again, the truth of the matter means I apparently need to be on my medicine longer than I thought-- potentially even forever which is a little hard to swallow.

I'm trying to set an appointment up to meet with a doctor to see what is safe if anything to take if we did become pregnant, but the reality is if I have to stay on this medicine and if there are risks involved with being on my medicine and having another baby-- then the grand question may have been answered for me.

For me the hardest part is not knowing when everything changed? When did I get so anxious? The depression part is good 98% of the time-- one battle I feel pretty good about. But where did all this come from? If it was situational-- shouldn't it be gone already? I know babies can make things change, but I didn't start having these issues til last fall when everything flipped upside down, which Braeden was 1.5 then.

Regardless, I went back to my original prescription today of 40mg and am staying put until further notice. I'm "okay" with it, but the truth of the matter sucks. Here I was thinking "oh, I'm great- I feel great, I got this" Apparently I only have it with help.. which if that's the way it has to be, I guess my only choice is to swallow that inner pride and move on along.

Now I have about a solid month to loose those 10lbs that I mysteriously gained so quick and get back in shape. I missed two weeks of the gym dealing with a sick kid and sick pup and this is what happens. Which we also ate fast food like every day because we were all over the place and trying to keep up.

So say a prayer for me folks- that I remain at peace with myself, that I get this random weight off again, that I can sleep like normal soon, and that I find my energy again! <3 And thanks so much to the ones who know my whole story and who love me, support me, and have been through it all with me :) I love you.

With love,
Me