When did my baby turn into a toddler?

Tomorrow at exactly 12:50 a.m. my sweet baby boy will be 10 months old. Hitting double digits is like a reality check that he is growing up, everyone said it would go by so quick but I can't help but think back to those first few nights at home when I called the pediatrician for every little thing! Braeden would burp almost and Calvin and I were like "what do we do?" haha.. I was definitely that crazy mom who wrote down every poop, every pee, how long he ate on the left and right boob and every little detail of our day. I look at him now and he has hit every milestone so far ahead, he is walking-- trying to run, clapping, peek a boo, blowing kisses, and so much more. He is one of the smartest little babies I know and it is so bittersweet because I am proud of how smart and well mannered he is, but I also wish he would slow down a little sometimes.

I get picked on at times because I still give him a bottle before his nap and at night. I secretly do it because it gives me a chance to cuddle and hold him when he drifts on to sleep. I know it may not be the "best" decision at times, but I want to enjoy it while he is small enough to do so. Luckily for us, he sleeps through the night and only occasionally wakes up at 3 or 4 am, and sure I am tired, but there is nothing I wouldn't trade for him needing his mommy or daddy to put him back to sleep; because I know in the not so far future those precious moments will be a thing in the past.

I never thought I would have such a hard time so soon with him growing up, but I really am. I want my little 8.5 lb baby back who still needs mommy to rock him, and nurse him, and who is small enough to sleep on mommy if he wants too. I miss those nights where we only got 4 hours of sleep but he was in the bed with us and I would stay awake just to watch him breathe. Time flies so fast, and I don't want to take a single bit of it for granted. If I blink, he will be driving, and then off to college, and married... and phew that makes me want to cry just thinking that far ahead!

No matter how old he gets, or how big he gets he will always be my little baby boy, and I just hope as he grows he always knows that he fills my heart with so much joy, words can not describe. Babies are the true meaning of love at first sight, because from the instant I saw him, Calvin and I cried and fell in love that very instant. It did not matter that we had just been through 19+ hours of all natural, non-medicated labor, he was here and made me forget all about it, at least for a few moments ;)

From the first few weeks 

9 months old 

So in the end, I will mostly cry on his first birthday, and every birthday because that will be one year older that he gets. It will be an amazing ride I am sure, and I will appreciate and enjoy every single second. God gave us a second chance to have a baby, and even in the most tired, exhausted, and frustrated times I would never complain because Braeden truly is our miracle child and he makes our family so much more fun and vibrant. I look forward to our future and can only hope God will allow us to give Braeden a sister or brother or two ;) 

With Love :)

Trying to be a good person.......

It's been awhile, but I need to get this off my chest, and not really sure how or where to post, so I figured I would start here.

A little over a month ago I started an organization called Stop the Hate, Spread the Love in response to some attacks on my family due to racism. I have always been against bullying and hate towards others, I was bullied in school for my height, my brother was bullied in school to certain extremes, and as an adult I have endured much hate from others in regards to my marriage being interracial.

When I first started the group on Facebook, most everyone thought I was only supporting interracial couples, and therefore painted me as a "non-Christian" who was racist against people who choose to same within their race. <--- Farthest from the truth. I support all people, and I support stopping bullying regardless. I have my own personal beliefs about lots of things, however my main point has always been NO HATE.

After I created this group, I was asked by WBTV to do a t.v. interview, which I did and that helped raise a lot of awareness, the group went from about 200 members in 24 hours to 500 in 48 hours. Now a month and a half later we are almost at 2,000! Shortly after the interview with WBTV, I was asked to interview for CBS online, and that also helped in raising awareness. Currently however, I feel like I am at a stand still. I have tried asking my "friends" on Facebook to add friends to the group, to share the links and such and unfortunately only a handful of people have been supportive. This truly hurts, because bullying is something that effects everyone, not just me and my family. It is disheartening that my own friends and family that know me and the size of my heart, give me more grief than anything else.

I have tried not to "beg" for donations and help, but in a sense I need it. I have had several schools, and organizations reach out to me for presentations and educational material to help their classrooms, etc. And I have to say "I'm working on getting the materials together." I am making books to have printed to give to teachers and organizations that include resources, links, and information about what bullying is, how to prevent it, how to deal with it, and when to get help. Also, I have reached out to several teens, some have consulted with me about self-harming, potential suicide, and more and I feel obligated for them and others to fight even harder. But I can't fight for what I can't afford.

I am pushing hard to get this 5k going in October to raise money for families in my area who have been the victim of bullying, but I can not do it off of smiles and charm. Everything costs money, and unfortunately I have only received $30 in donations.

My main reason for writing this, I want people to understand where I am coming from, and I also needed to get the frustration from the lack of support off my chest. I have always thought I had a higher purpose in life, and having been in the face of suicide before, I understand how serious it can be. I understand how the words of others can be mean, hurtful, and deadly. I want to help people, teach people, and over-all be a good person.

It has come to my attention, that some had questioned my intentions, and motives, so I wanted it to be clear where my heart, mind, and soul are. I hope that you guys will continue to support me, this organization, and help me in spreading the word!

So, in the end, I am only one person, I have prayed and prayed and God keeps leading me down this path to fight for this organization and keep it going. I am not sure why, when I feel I am fighting a losing battle at times, but for whatever reason my heart and mind keep me on this path for myself, for my son, my husband, family, friends, community, strangers, and even our country. So please understand my efforts are genuine, my heart is good, and all I am asking for is help, as I can not do this alone.

-With love,
Heather

Links from this post:
Stop the Hate, Spread the Love - www.facebook.com/groups/stopthehatespreadthelove
Donation page - http://fnd.us/c/9TkGe

WBTV News Interview & Story

Story: http://www.wbtv.com/story/21578934/local-mom-starts-anti-hate-facebook-page-after-stranger-targets-her-family

Video: http://www.wbtv.com/category/240205/video-landing-page?autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=8599629

CBS News Article & Interview

http://charlotte.cbslocal.com/2013/03/15/racism-in-america-one-local-moms-quest-to-stop-the-hate-spread-the-love/