Life with a TWO year old

I've been working on this blog for some time now- I start, then stop, then start again. I read it and think, wow either I'm a horrible mom or my child is crazy. So I start all over again. The reality of course is neither are true. But I think from time to time as moms we need to be re-assured that we haven't completely lost our marbles, and that the way our child acts is not a direct correlation to the amount of love we show them.

Today would be that day for me-

Braeden woke up, and as soon as my first daycare kid was dropped off the tantrums started. He was angry because he normally gets to spend a little time with mommy and today he didn't. Well his fit lead into upsetting my daycare kiddo because she of course didn't understand that he was okay and was just throwing a fit, so for about 15 minutes I had both kiddos crying. One wanting reassurance that her mom hadn't just dropped her off in a crazy house, and one who just needed to get his anger/ frustration/ whatever emotion he was feeling out. Finally after singing, cuddling, and slightly ignoring my own child- it finally all ceased and our day could begin.

Our day went along great- we got in lots of learning, and then after nap-- he started again. We had to leave to go to my OB appointment and heaven forbid I turn off the T.V. so we could go. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue but today the world ended when I hit the power button. He screamed, threw things, and as I put him in time out as I've finally had enough and ignoring it isn't working, he finally calms.

I get him out of time out and put him in my lap, and we talk. I try to explain how mommy loves him and how he needs to use his words, then I slipped and said "you were a bad boy." I said when you throw things, yell and are mean it makes mommy very sad. He looked at me with such disappointment and said "I'm sorry mommy." "I not want to be bad." ------ Then the waterworks came. In that instant I realized, he had no idea that his tantrum wasn't okay, in his toddler mind he was acting out his emotions since he can't quite verbalize them the way he wants. But when I said "bad" he quickly caught on and I broke his heart, and in turn it broke mine. I held him so tight, and said "it's okay, let's listen and be a good boy for the rest of today, okay?" He excitedly said "okay, mommy!"

We went to my OB appointment, and before we even got out the car, I explained how we needed to listen to mommy and that if we didn't listen mommy would be sad. He held my hand, and listened throughout the majority of the appointment, and the few times he tested, I reminded him of our talk and he quickly began to listen again.

On the way home, we were stuck in traffic for what seemed like forever, and he again just randomly said "I'm sorry mommy, I don't want to be bad." And again, the waterworks started. I found myself questioning if I am a horrible mother, if I am screwing my child all up? Should I be more strict, less strict, discipline more, discipline less? Take things away, offer more solutions? Damn- this parenting stuff is hard.. and most people are super quick to tell you what you are doing wrong, or the classic "I would do x, or y." Newsflash-- every child is different and what may work for 1,000 kids may not work for mine. I'm fairly certain if it's been published, I've read it in regards to how to be the best mom I can be, and I still fall short.

I saw this when I was reading yet again about how to handle these tantrums and it made perfect sense. Most of what I read, I do. For example, I've learned to pick my battles, our therapist actually described it as being the "micro-managing boss type parent" or "the loving parent who welcomes their child".. clearly I wanted to second of the two, but I thought maybe he is acting out because I'm not a very strict parent. So I became more firm- and it got 10x worse. So then I backed off, and learned to pick my battles- meaning if I ask him to pick up his toys and he doesn't listen, I don't immediately discipline him.. I give him options. For example, when mommy finishes washing these dishes we need to pick up all the toys, etc. 

The hardest part for me, is obviously in public, which thankfully he rarely acts out in public. But there is nothing worse that the mom of the 10 month old or even the 18 month old that gives you the look, like "um, my child doesn't act like that.." ---I want to just laugh and say "give it time." 

I also constantly find myself trying to validate his behavior, like maybe I'm not spending enough time with him, away from him, or maybe I'm not doing this right or that... or the worst case I find myself wondering-- what on earth did I do to make my child this way? If he throws things and yells.. he must not feel loved, right?

Well apparently, according to multiple medical websites along with other stories I read in addition to kicking, screaming, or pounding the floor, your child may throw things, hit, and even hold his breath until he turns blue, which are all lovely NORMAL parts of these two year old tantrums. YAY!  

"When your child is swept up in a tantrum, he's unable to listen to reason, though he will respond – negatively – to your yelling or threatening. Stomping out of the room – tempting as that may be – can make your child feel abandoned. The storm of emotion he's feeling can be frightening to him, and he needs to know you're nearby. Rather than leave him thrashing on the floor, go to him. If he's not flailing too much, pick him up and hold him. Chances are he'll find your embrace comforting and will calm down more quickly." 

Well heck-- I do that, actually quite often Braeden and I have "time-ins" together where I just squeeze him and hold him til he stops and show him that no matter how angry or mad he gets, I'm not leaving, nor will I ever stop loving him. 

My point behind this ridiculously long blog--- I pride myself on working to be the best damn mom I can be, I read more books that you could imagine, I research everything when it comes to my child, and I also have a degree in Childhood Psychology and I STILL STRUGGLE- Days like today, I just needed a hug and someone to say "he is normal, and you are still a good mom." My OB actually was that saving grace today.. she gave me that hug and reassured me that even in his worst moments, my child is normal, and that I am a good mom. 

Parenting is hard as hell, and unfortunately there are no books, articles, or opinions that can fully prepare you for it. Every child is different, and as hard as it is to swallow sometimes no matter how perfect people make parenting seem, or how perfect they make their kids seem --- I am a firm believer that no child is absolutely perfect, or at least that's what I will keep telling myself for self-validation. (LOL) 

Advice- I have none, except that I am learning to except the fact that some days I win, and others I loose. Trying not to make one lost day control how I feel about myself as a mother or as a person. Best believe, when I am out in public or just working with my daycare moms- when they are are having a tough time, or if you see a mom struggling.. sometimes all they need is a hug, or a simple "it'll be okay." I know for me, just that reassurance I'm not totally screwing my child up gives me the "umph" I need to hit the restart button and try again. 

Make sure you spend less time judging, and more time being empathetic, compassionate, and loving--- because at some point in your life, I'm sure you will want another mother to comfort you; whether it be due to a tantrum spell, a rough transition to school, a trying teenager, or an adult child that won't leave home. As moms we all struggle, regardless of whether you choose to admit it or not.. my theory is hey, I try my best, do all the research, study everything I can-- and I still struggle. I constantly fear my child will grow up and not know how much I love him, how much I care for him, how much I try for him. And even though I know I make a million mistakes... I try to learn from them and become a better mom from them. 

My challenge to you-- this week, pay attention when you're out and about. If you see a mom who looks like she is struggling, remind her that it's okay. She is a wonderful mom and her child is perfectly normal. Give her a hug if you see fit, but most importantly lift her up-- because you just never know when your words could make someones' day. <3 

P.S. Never say your child is "bad"... take it from me, save the heart break, one of the millions of mistakes I've made that I will not make again- rest assured. 

This face may look "mean" and even adorable all in the same sense... but never bad. 

Another day in the life :)

So this past weekend, we visited Myrtle Beach for our annual Valentine's trip. This year is special because it is our last trip as a family of three :) It dawned on me today that Bryson will be here in 12-15 weeks, depending on if he comes early like his big brother did. This pregnancy has been tough, so with each week I count my blessings for making it one more week as well as being excited that we are also one more week closer to finally getting to meet this little angel child. :)

Our trip was very low-key, we mostly hung out either in the hotel, or by the beach. It was nice Friday, warm and beautiful Sunday, and cold and windy Sunday as we headed home. I must say, I was super nervous about this trip because 4 hours down, 4 hours back and a recently potty trained child made me a little on edge. But to my pleasant surprise Braeden did amazing! He didn't have one single accident the entire trip. Now, we had plenty of stops along the way to go potty, as he quickly caught on to "if I say I have to pee, I can get out of the car." ---Such a smart boy! But nonetheless I am one proud mama. He has been fully potty trained now for over a month and has made this process exceptionally easy for me; which any pregnant mom would be ever so thankful for!

This trip Calvin and I realized that we have become bored with Myrtle Beach, so in the coming years our annual Valentines trip will most likely be somewhere else. Not sure where we could go on the same budget, but we want to expand our travel area! I must say hearing Braeden wake up each morning rushing to the door to go see the ocean, and water just made my day.

To some, it looks a little odd that we make this trip each year, even on a struggling budget. My response to that is simple, this trip is our refresh/ restart. We go and come back feeling renewed, less stressed, and ready to rock out the new year. We plan for this trip each year usually in Oct./Nov and its something we look forward to each year. We have learned going from two incomes to one that our priorities are solely about experiences for our family. We aren't that family that spends hundreds on toys or junk that will be outgrown and most likely forgotten. We are the family that is willing to go without a lot of material things to stay close as a family and not miss all those important milestones and memories that you can never get back.

So now we plan for Bryson's arrival. :) His crib is together, sheets, blankets, and clothes are all washed and put in their proper place. We have a few big purchases left, and several little things but it will come in time. Last night it was so funny because I kept telling Calvin how incredibly uncomfortable I was, my back aches, and sleeping is nearly obsolete. Then I realized how little time we have left and it gave me a little reassurance that we are on the final stride and that I just have to keep moving, drinking water, and doing squats. (LOL) I will say it is definitely different being pregnant with a toddler, versus just being pregnant. I'm nervous and excited to take on being a mom of two versus one, even though I know it will be hard, I'm sure there are countless sleepless nights ahead, but I just pray about it each day. I pray for a smooth labor, and a healthy delivery for baby and me, and a smooth transition into parenthood of two children. That's about all I can do.

So aside from our trip, our potty training success, and preparing for Bryson.. life is pretty simple and low-key which I love. Until next time, here are some pictures from our trip! :)

Angry Mom --- Read at your own risk.

I've been putting this blog off for a while now- mainly due to not trying to cause controversy. But I can't refrain anymore. Having a newborn coming in less than 3.5 months- this issue is terrifying to say the least. What am I talking about-- vaccinations of course, particularly our recent measles outbreak.

Before I even start, let me preface with, I completely understand that their are parents who cannot vaccinate their children due to health reasons. For those parents, I sincerely empathize with you- here I am pregnant and worried about how to protect my child until he is old enough to have the vaccine and you have that constant worry on a daily basis without a hope in sight. I truly could never imagine.

I have done tons and tons of research prior to even thinking of writing this because I wanted to make sure I wasn't "just following the government hype" that I've heard a lot of "chosen anti-vaxers" say that in their defense. I say "chosen anti-vaxers" in that they willingly know the dangers of not vaccinating their children, and based on mostly reckless reasoning they allow their children to be liable to catch these diseases and spread them when outbreaks occur. I saw an interesting ecard the other day that really struck a nerve.

I know every mom tries to do their best, and my goodness parenting is hard. I've made plenty of mistakes and I know I'll make more- it's a learning experience. But I struggle with knowing that these "chosen anti-vaxers" do not protect their children from life threatening diseases and in turn, as an adult if they continue to not vaccinate- they travel abroad and then bring these once eradicated diseases back into our country for us to fight all over again. I firmly believe it's completely reckless. 

I am normally the one all for empowering other moms, empowering moms to work together, but this is one issue that I cannot seem to even remotely support. I've read articles upon articles supporting anti-vaccination trying to get a better understanding of why these parents would make these decisions and I still cannot make any sense of it. 

 “People without gray hair forget that before vaccines became available, measles used to kill approximately 400 children a year in this country,” -Dr. William Schaffner-

Yes, there have been deaths from the vaccine, due to other medical issues, but I just do not believe running around un-vaccinated is the solution. I think that further research should be done, help make these vaccines more available for all children and adults. Eliminate or replace some of the ingredients and make them capable of being used for all children. I guess my thought process is, instead of contributing to the problem based on things you do not like involving the vaccine- protect your children, and use that energy to help get further funding and testing to fix the problem. 

'The issue with this outbreak is not because of the vaccine, it's because of the lack of use of the vaccine.'

Normally I would never even take part in a debate like this, but when the decisions of other parents start to effect the life and safety of my children and family, then it becomes a issue I feel responsible to respond to. I know that I can safely voice my opinion in my blogs because after all, its not a Facebook post you are forced to read by being on your newsfeed. All I have to say from this point, until my son (Bryson, who will be joining the world in May/June; with God's grace) is fully vaccinated, I can only ask that if you choose not to vaccinate your children or yourself, please refrain from visiting our home. I cannot or will not take any chances when it comes to the safety of my children. 

I understand and take full responsibility for knowing that this post may cause some tension especially to those who willingly choose not to vaccinate, but in the same respect understand just as you reading this feeling threatened to defend your choices are not the only one, just as I am not the only pissed off parent that this issue is here solely because of the choices parents choosing not to vaccinate their children. Also understand that just as you have an opinion, this is mine. 

Looking forward to a more positive, less stressful post next time! This was something that has been eating at me and needing to be let out.