Well, being pregnant your hormones are all out of wack, things that wouldn't normally bother me sometimes do, I have been much more sensitive, and this pregnancy everyone and their sister has had an opinion about me-- which I've struggled with. I am human, and if you read my blogs you know I'm not afraid to admit my fears, my worries, my flaws, my struggles... because it's all part of what makes me, me.... it means I'm not perfect, I'm human... and I'm okay with that. Anyone who pretends like they live day to day constantly appreciative of every blessing they have, that they have this profound confidence in themselves at all times, and they never have any issues--- they are full of crap.. because it's just not possible.
I write my blogs mostly for me, it helps get things off my chest, because once it's written and done- it's off my mind and out of my system. BUT I know plenty of moms, women, and other people who struggle with things similar to me, which is why I'm always so open. If hearing my story can help make even one other woman say "at least it's not just me.." then my job is done.
So back to this week-- it started last weekend and just continued into the week.. the first few months of my pregnancy I stayed sick.. so my weight gain was very minimal and it technically still is. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and I've gained about 20lbs. Well, in the beginning all I heard was "you're too small?" "are you eating enough?" "are you sure you're pregnant?" THEN-- my belly finally popped and since then it's been "you're huge" "you've got a fat belly" "are you sure there is just one?" "you're carrying really wide" "are you sure you will make it til due date?" the list goes on and on...
I've literally heard these things all week, multiple times throughout the week-- and what hurts the most was it was from people who know me, know my insecurities, and know better. So needless to say this week was a flop- I finally broke down yesterday and shared how rough this week has been, and I was overwhelmed with how many people chimed in to boost my confidence, and make me feel better. It was exactly what I needed. I think some may have mistaken my flop of a week for me not appreciating being pregnant, or appreciating how blessed I am-- completely not true. Again, if you truly know me then you know I am beyond blessed and appreciative that I am pregnant and have had a healthy pregnancy thus far. BUT, again it falls back to realizing that I'm not perfect and every now and then people do get the best of me.
I think the hardest part has been that when I was pregnant with my first, I never experienced this part.. I worked in a corporate environment and was blessed with amazing co-workers who made me feel like a million dollars everyday.. so I was actually my most confident during my pregnancy and this go round it has almost been like people have been bitter- like I shouldn't be blessed to have two children.. so the best way to break me would be to get in my head and make me feel bad about myself. But those people should have never had any toll on me and yesterday helped remind me of that :)
I feel much more confident today than yesterday, I feel much more like myself and I'm great :) Will I have moments throughout the remainder of this pregnancy where I feel down? Most likely, but that's what friends are for to pick you up when you fall down. I have some great ones, yesterday I had women I haven't heard from in years, women I just met, women who I never even knew paid attention to me all chime in to help me, help me realize that I'm not seeing myself the way they are, help me realize that anyone trying to bring my spirits down, is already below me and they aren't worth my time. That I need to speak up more- put people in their place and in general love the skin I am in <3
Well, I most definitely will be doing all of that- and in the future I know who I can count on to pick me back up when I fall. I think as women we have to remind ourselves, falling down it normal... we just have to always get back up. I think a lot of people assume that when someone is pregnant or a new mom.. it is the perfect opportunity to solicit their unfiltered advice.. WRONG. Just because I'm growing a baby does not mean I need to know if you approve of how my body is shaped while carrying a baby, what I eat or drink, or anything else. I must say this week has made me much more aware, and I've been handing out compliments left and right to women I see- because you never know when they could be having a rough week and my kind words or yours may be all they need to pick themselves back up.
Always be kind, because you never know what type of battle someone is fighting <3
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