Men & Parenting

Hello!!

Let's talk about men and their role in parenting... I know some of us are very lucky (like myself) to have wonderful husbands who share the responsibility of parenting whole heartedly. But there are others out there who do not. How can our hubbies help encourage those others to help out just as much? Also, do you guys feel like if our men spoke up more about their roles as father, that potentially it may make a difference in regards to men being able to get "paid paternity leave", or other benefits during or after child birth? 

 Crittenden argues that most men have dragged their heels in the sharing process of childcare, partly because "child care is accorded so little respect or accommodation." So few men participated in childcare during Crittenden's time it made it un-realistic for men to understand the true roles that child care has on the body and mind of the mother at home. Crittenden questioned whether if more men stood up for their roles at home, then more men overall would participate and help out around the house and with children.


I will start by saying I know I am extremely lucky, because Calvin and I share all responsibilities, with Braeden and in our marriage. He knew early on I was his wife, not his "house-wife." He understands that I work just as hard as he does and that, in a marriage we share everything else, so it only seems fair to share all the responsibilities as well. Now he is not the best sweeper, or duster but he will try. He can however clean the hell out of a bathroom! He can cook, and vacuum. He can fold the laundry, but most days he gets mine and Braedens' socks mixed up.. so it's usually easier for me to do that. lol. But the point is, he has no problem helping in any way he can, and when it comes to being a good dad--- he sets the bar very high. I have never been more in love with the man, than seeing him holding our precious son and knowing that we created that sweet baby boy!

To me, everything is about compromise-- you have to take the good with the bad, the hard with the easy. And you ALWAYS have to communicate! Our preacher told us early on, that if we didn't learn to communicate we would not last more than a year married. Well now almost 4 years later, I'd say most days we have it down. haha.. But we always communicate, when we are mad, sad, happy, or excited we always talk about it. We do not go to bed mad, and we always work through whatever challenge we face. Sometimes we both need reality checks and we are both strong minded and never mind giving them... haha.

I know when we had Braeden, Calvin stayed home for 3 weeks.. he saved his vacation time and personal time up. But it would have been nice if he could have had some "paid" time off aside from his vacation and personal time. Do you guys think if more men took a stand for it, it would ever happen?

Also, why do you feel that the dads that aren't supportive, aren't supportive? I believe it could be a lot of different things... One mainly, they just don't understand. They don't understand how a woman can bleed for a week and not die, they don't understand how a woman's stomach can stretch out the size of a watermelon and she not pop. They don't understand how a woman can deliver a baby the size of a watermelon from a hole the size of a bagel! So we can't expect them to work wonders, because I have learned with men, it needs to be specific and physical. Hormones, mood swings, and the way we "feel".. doesn't make sense to them, they just understand it when we flip out on them.

Another reason, is because us as women nag the hell out of them until they give up.. We ask them to change diapers but either the diaper is too lose, too tight, or never just "right." In my opinion, as long as it's one and his legs aren't purple.. it was successful. And Calvin quickly learned not to have the diapers too loose, because Braeden peed on him out of his diaper. haha.. The point is, men need praise. They want to be appreciated just as much as women, and they often forget to thank us as much as we need, but in order to get help from them, we need to remind them how much we appreciate them. They will learn from experience, just as us as new moms do... we just have to give them a chance.

Then the other reason-- well to me it is unknown, how a man could father a child, and not want to be apart of it's life. My father donated his sperm.. that is about it. He has not been there for me at all in my almost 25 years of life and quite frankly I have never really needed him, because luckily I had a step-father who stepped in and raised me as his own. He is the reason I am the way I am today, I am particular, persistent, and a perfectionist with details... All traits from him. He taught me the fundamentals of life and how to be successful, and I hope one day he can say I made him proud, just like one day I hope as parents Braeden will look at Calvin and I and be proud of us.


Overall, men are just a different species than women and just like all humans we want to be appreciated, loved, and feel important. So it took me a while to understand than even if Braeden's shirt and pants did not exactly match, the point was he was trying and he would eventually figure it all out. My nagging and pestering only pushed him to not want to help. Now we look back and laugh at the moments we both had, but in the end he tells all his friends how if you want a happy home, keep your wife happy. ;)