When did my baby turn into a toddler?

Tomorrow at exactly 12:50 a.m. my sweet baby boy will be 10 months old. Hitting double digits is like a reality check that he is growing up, everyone said it would go by so quick but I can't help but think back to those first few nights at home when I called the pediatrician for every little thing! Braeden would burp almost and Calvin and I were like "what do we do?" haha.. I was definitely that crazy mom who wrote down every poop, every pee, how long he ate on the left and right boob and every little detail of our day. I look at him now and he has hit every milestone so far ahead, he is walking-- trying to run, clapping, peek a boo, blowing kisses, and so much more. He is one of the smartest little babies I know and it is so bittersweet because I am proud of how smart and well mannered he is, but I also wish he would slow down a little sometimes.

I get picked on at times because I still give him a bottle before his nap and at night. I secretly do it because it gives me a chance to cuddle and hold him when he drifts on to sleep. I know it may not be the "best" decision at times, but I want to enjoy it while he is small enough to do so. Luckily for us, he sleeps through the night and only occasionally wakes up at 3 or 4 am, and sure I am tired, but there is nothing I wouldn't trade for him needing his mommy or daddy to put him back to sleep; because I know in the not so far future those precious moments will be a thing in the past.

I never thought I would have such a hard time so soon with him growing up, but I really am. I want my little 8.5 lb baby back who still needs mommy to rock him, and nurse him, and who is small enough to sleep on mommy if he wants too. I miss those nights where we only got 4 hours of sleep but he was in the bed with us and I would stay awake just to watch him breathe. Time flies so fast, and I don't want to take a single bit of it for granted. If I blink, he will be driving, and then off to college, and married... and phew that makes me want to cry just thinking that far ahead!

No matter how old he gets, or how big he gets he will always be my little baby boy, and I just hope as he grows he always knows that he fills my heart with so much joy, words can not describe. Babies are the true meaning of love at first sight, because from the instant I saw him, Calvin and I cried and fell in love that very instant. It did not matter that we had just been through 19+ hours of all natural, non-medicated labor, he was here and made me forget all about it, at least for a few moments ;)

From the first few weeks 

9 months old 

So in the end, I will mostly cry on his first birthday, and every birthday because that will be one year older that he gets. It will be an amazing ride I am sure, and I will appreciate and enjoy every single second. God gave us a second chance to have a baby, and even in the most tired, exhausted, and frustrated times I would never complain because Braeden truly is our miracle child and he makes our family so much more fun and vibrant. I look forward to our future and can only hope God will allow us to give Braeden a sister or brother or two ;) 

With Love :)